Adam King's blog : Boyfriend Stopped Talking To Me After a Fight
Question asked by Maggie – After a fight, which I agree was clearly my fault, my boyfriend said we should “let things lie” and “be calm”, and he hasn’t called me or texted me in 3 days. I said some extremely mean things to him which I really shouldn’t have. I have tried talking to him but he doesn’t answer or pick up the phone, what can I do? Are we breaking up?
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Hi Maggie,
Let’s just say that your boyfriend is wounded and wants some time away from you.
It’s quite likely that you offended or hurt his “male ego”, in some way, during the fight.
Most guys are like “quite dynamites”, thanks to their soft shelled male egos. You hurt his ego and you trigger off this dynamite; and once it blows he’s going to act like an angry hornet till it cools off. Whatever you said or did during the fight, you need to remember not to push those buttons again.
Rest assured, this is not a break up. You guys will patch up again in time. Right now all he wants is some contemplative time to sort things out in his mind.
There is also a possibility that he is acting passive aggressive and wants you to feel the pain of “missing” him.
Indirectly, he’s just letting you know that he will not tolerate the “attitude” that you showed during the fight.
So What Should You Be Doing Now?
Here are a few things you can do to remedy the situation at hand.
1.) Take a break yourself
The more you try to approach him the more he will wait you out. So just let be, and take a break for a while.
Don’t worry about the relationship; this is certainly not a break up, if it was he would have picked up your call and let you know that he doesn’t want to continue further.
Let the cold war thaw out for a while and let him calm down. Stop calling him if he’s not picking your calls, stop trying to get in touch with him if he’s avoiding you, and just live your life for a while.
Hang out with your friends, take care of your work, entertain yourself to some music or shopping, and relax.
2.) Make him miss you
You have two options here; you can let him know that you can’t live without him and come off as being desperate or you can stay cool and make him miss you.
If you come off as being desperate, he might lose his interest because you’ve become too predictable. So it’s in your best interest to stop going after him.
Of course, if you think you did or said something wrong during the fight, you should apologize sincerely, but don’t make him feel that you are “helpless” without him.
If he is not picking up the phone, you can send your apology in an email or text message. Do not send any more than one message.
3.) Stop thinking negative
The more you worry yourself into imagining all the negative consequences, the more desperate you will become. Just relax and let life happen.
It’s of no use projecting into the future and imaging the things that can go wrong. You can never know for certain what will happen, so why sit and contemplate it? Why not just keep yourself in a positive state of mind and allow life to take its course?
There won’t be a break up, but even if there is, it would only be for the best. In life, everything that happens eventually happens for the good. Stay cool, and trust life instead of trusting your “mind”.
4.) Avoid the drama
When he approaches you for a patch up, or when a “patch up” situation happens, just be sincere in your apology and let him know, in a level headed way, that you love him and that whatever you said was in “anger” and not intentional.
Be genuine in your response and speak from the heart. The last thing you want to do is to come off looking “dramatic”. At no point should you give in to your negative emotions of “neediness” and fear. Don’t appeal to him, or seek his forgiveness, don’t ask anything of him. If you were in wrong, just apologize for it and let him decide if he wants to patch up.
Avoid being “needy” or dramatic as it will work against you in the long run. Remember, your boyfriend is not breaking up with you, he’s just playing it, so don’t get caught in the drama.
Your boyfriend comes across as a guy of “high value”. The fact that he is allowing his silence to do the talking speaks about his restraint and maturity. He definitely has a sense of character and patience within him, and you need to mirror the same.
Love and respect go hand in hand; and respect is earned through strength of character.
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