Adam King's blog : Gratitude Is The New Black
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
For some of us, having a happy holiday season feels daunting or even close to impossible. It seems that no matter how hard we work to insulate ourselves against our issues around home and family, the tunnel from Thanksgiving to New Years is a minefield loaded with hidden traps, double agents and too many opportunities to self-destruct or rip open old wounds and old injuries.
In the past, the holiday season was the worst time of year for me; I simply hated the holidays. It was a time during which painful childhood memories of abuse and habits of self-destruction through food and alcohol would resurface. Even the one I did like, Thanksgiving, I came to loathe; I fought a 30+ year battle with my body image and weight, so a holiday that revolved around eating led to a lot of anxiety and suffering.
How are we to protect ourselves from harm and mental injury during this difficult time of year? Do we amputate our past and the people in it? What can we do short of avoiding holidays and celebrations altogether?
The key is tapping into the true nature of the holidays – GRATITUDE. Gratitude was an invaluable tool for me as I healed my childhood wounds. I discovered the thanks I had in my heart for all those who had touched my life – gratitude not only for those who had helped me but also for those whose harmful actions taught me how not to treat myself and others.
Gratitude is now at the top of my to do list every day. When you experience gratefulness for a moment, it will come back to you three-fold in the next.
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Some simple ways to regularly incorporate gratitude into your life.
1. Keep a Daily Gratitude List: Write down at least three things you’re grateful for each day. It can be as simple as “I’m grateful for this cup of coffee” or as profound as “I’m grateful for this beautiful life.” Practice acknowledging good things each day, and soon you’ll find them everywhere.
2. Play B.D.G. (Brag, Desire, Gratitude): Get an email list going with some friends or family and take turns “replying all” with one brag, one desire, and one gratitude. Publicly recognizing an accomplishment or positive quality, expressing a future hope, and giving thanks for what you already have will connect you to the good in your life; past, present, and future. Plus it will bring you closer to your loved ones and remind you of the wonderful reasons you care for them.
3. Recite a Daily Affirmation: We all have the ability to create a happy future, and affirmations are a powerful tool in attracting the positive experiences we want. Write an affirmation using positive statements and the present tense, about something you want in your life (ex: The holiday season is an opportunity to enjoy the company of my loved ones; I am so grateful for their presence in my life). Recite it once a day or when facing particularly difficult events or situations.
4. Write a Letter of Thanks: This could be to a parent, co-worker, friend, child, or spouse. Let them know how much they mean to you and how you appreciate their love and/or support. Gratitude begets more gratitude – imagine how thankful the recipient will be!
5. Find Forgiveness in Gratitude: It is especially hard to feel appreciation for those who have hurt us, and yet harboring anger only prolongs our own suffering and strengthens our connection to a painful past. Work towards forgiving those individuals by finding a way to thank them. For example, I now have only gratitude for my abusive father; although he caused me and my siblings much physical and emotional pain, it was this experience that helps me connect to and help other abuse victims.
Practicing thankfulness will make dealing with the emotions of the holidays so much easier. These are your holidays, and if managed carefully, you can create new traditions of love and family. You can break out of the cycles of blame and worry that accompany this time of year and instead find gratitude in spending time with family and food.
What will your roadmap look like during this season of Peace and Love?
I took myself from a place of longing for the "perfect holiday” (whatever that illusion was) to creating something that really fits in with who I am – spending time with the same group of friends rather than family. I found that, over time, surrounding myself with those I could appreciate easily made it infinitely easier to be thankful for those with whom it was more difficult to feel grateful.
While gratitude is something to be practiced every day, that we take time this holiday season to reflect on all the things we have is a blessing and a gift. I believe in the power of prayer and mindfulness, and I think the power of so many people stopping and reflecting during this time carries us throughout the year.
So this year I welcome the holidays with open arms and ask that you all take a moment to stop and reflect on all that is good in your lives. Put the recession, war, your aches and pains on hold knowing that in your gratefulness, things will shift for the better. As philosopher Geoffrey F Abert wrote, “Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.”
May you all have the most amazing, Love-filled, Gratitude-based holiday season.